I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
