She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish there were birth control emojis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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