Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
