Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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