the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
