Where is the hickey?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
