A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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