So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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