Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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