she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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