Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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