I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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