Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
