I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
