My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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