New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
