Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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