so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
