i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
