You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We left an ass print on the piano.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We don't watch enough power rangers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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