I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
