I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
