Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
