Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
