tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
