the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
