Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
