I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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