I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
