Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
