Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize