i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
