fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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