with your own penis?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize