the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
