Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
