he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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