You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
