i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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