Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
