Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
