sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
