U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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