if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
