Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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