Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
