Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
