My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i think i just lost a toe
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
