youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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