Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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