we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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