Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
