gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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