you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
