Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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