Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
