While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize