thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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