She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
