Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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