someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
