So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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