dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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