I faked an abortion last night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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