Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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