I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
