whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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