Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.

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  (804): i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick. http://tfl.nu/aodk
  Replies (2) Good night (1707) Bad night (704)
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  (+65): View more from

  He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?

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  (+65): He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay? http://tfl.nu/afe2
  Replies (55) Good night (6854) Bad night (2376)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.

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  (262): we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere. http://tfl.nu/ddqg
  Replies (9) Good night (1890) Bad night (2816)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.

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  (239): im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me. http://tfl.nu/81g0
  Replies (12) Good night (2048) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...

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  (469): Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it... http://tfl.nu/spt6
  Replies (7) Good night (2744) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer

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  (775): Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer http://tfl.nu/5k0a
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (935)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up

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  (619): Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up http://tfl.nu/pxnj
  Replies (3) Good night (911) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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  (918): I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey. http://tfl.nu/6r6d
  Replies (15) Good night (1971) Bad night (593)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300

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  (812): Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300 http://tfl.nu/t71x
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (1546)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)

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  (289): For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013) http://tfl.nu/5uly
  Replies (4) Good night (908) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is this a considering it or regretting it text?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.

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  (318): My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter (504): Is this a considering it or regretting it text? (318): I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me. http://tfl.nu/wpzn
  Replies (3) Good night (536) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're my favorite person

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  (913): I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that. (1-913): You're my favorite person http://tfl.nu/9772
  Replies (7) Good night (1295) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.

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  (330): I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished. http://tfl.nu/wyym
  Replies (4) Good night (402) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.

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  (918): So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus. http://tfl.nu/cj4t
  Replies (2) Good night (669) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

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  (269): He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. http://tfl.nu/cm4y
  Replies (7) Good night (982) Bad night (399)

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