i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
