I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.