Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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