...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
