At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
