I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
