Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize