Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
