I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
