nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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