Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
