well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize