break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
