Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
