dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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