can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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