Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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