I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
