So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need water and some morals
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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