I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
